It’s safe to say that a lot can change after a breakup. The guy you were once with was most likely a part of every facet of your life.
And when that person is no longer there, it can feel like there’s a giant black void where he once was. You may also be feeling searing pain in your heart and like you're drowning in a mountain of grief.
This article will give you 6 tips on how to get over a guy fast.
How to Get Over a Guy Tip #1:
Let yourself feel your feelings and then let them go.
When a guy breaks your heart, it’s natural to feel a lot of uncomfortable feelings such as grief, anger and hurt. A normal reaction to these feelings is to repress the feelings or distract ourselves from them.
And there are numerous ways we can repress or distract ourselves from feelings. You could get a whole tub of ice cream and eat it while watching a rom-com on Netflix. You could go out with your friends, drink alcohol, and dance away the pain. And some people even use healthy things like meditation and exercise to avoid uncomfortable feelings.
But none of these approaches work long term. Feelings that are repressed and not felt fully do not go away. They stay stuck in your consciousness as a memory or story that plays over and over again in your head. The only way to hit the “stop” button on that story is to allow the feelings and let them go.
The process of allowing the feeling and then making the choice to let it go or make peace with it is the best and surest way to get over a guy. It can also prevent you from repeating the same drama with a different guy in the future.
A lot of people will find themselves experiencing the same bad relationship over and over. There are many reasons for this, but the main one is that they have some unresolved emotions from childhood or previous relationships that keep manifesting repeatedly in relationships.
The only way to break the pattern of bad relationships is to face your emotions with courage and make peace with them. This sounds simple, but it’s not always easy.
The Breakup Healing System is designed to guide you through the process of bringing repressed emotions that are sabotaging your life and relationships into consciousness and letting them go.
The Breakup Healing System shows you simple, powerful, and easy-to-learn techniques that uncover and strengthen your natural ability to let go of the painful feelings left after a breakup so you can feel peace and happiness again.
If you're not quite ready to invest in the full course, I've created a free 4-part video mini course to give you an idea of what The Breakup Healing System is all about.
In this video course, you will learn the basic letting go technique and how to get started using it to get over a guy who hurt you.
How to Get Over a Guy Tip #2: Don't contact him or stalk him on social media
If you are wondering why you can't get over your ex, it might be because you're not letting yourself heal. If you were healing from a wound that was bandaged up, do you think taking off the bandage and picking at the wound would speed up or slow down the healing process?
If you guessed “slow down”, you’re right!
The same goes with getting over a guy who played you. Magnetic brain imaging studies have shown that the pain of Heartbreak is a lot like physical pain. The science shows that the same areas of your brain light up when you are going through a breakup as when you are experiencing physical pain.
It’s like a physical wound, and you should treat it as such. Stalking your ex on social media, drunk texting at 1:30 am, and other such activities will only slow down the healing process. If you think you are in pain now, wait until you see him in the arms of another woman on social media. That’s really going to hurt.
So the best way to get over a guy is to cut off all ties. Don’t talk to him unless absolutely necessary. And if you do need to talk to him, keep your conversation short and businesslike.
Cutting out communication and social media will help your heart heal so you can move on. If you contact your ex or stalk him on social media, be prepared for prolonged pain.
How to Get Over a Guy Tip #3: Get Social Support and Spend Time with Friends and Family
If you want to get over a guy, it’s crucial to have good people around you. Reach out to supportive friends and family and let them know what’s going on. This will give you a secure base and the emotional support you need to recover and move on.
And you don’t have to talk about your breakup all the time. In fact, it’s probably better that you don’t talk about your breakup with your supportive friends and family. When you’re in a lot of pain, it’s hard not to talk about what’s ailing you.
But if after weeks or months that’s ALL you talk about with your friends and family, they might lose patience with you. So of course let them know what’s going on. You can talk about it too, but also realize that one of the best ways to get over a guy is to replace him with something else.
So when you get together with friends and family, find stuff to do. You can play board games, watch movies, and cook together. Do what makes you feel good. Spending time with friends and family helps you to recognize your own value and help you get out into the world when all you want to do is stay in bed.
How to Get Over a Guy Tip #4: Let go of wanting his approval or love
One of the reasons you are having trouble getting over a guy is because you are still wanting his approval and love. When you fall in love with someone, your brain chemistry resembles that of a drug user. So you might think you're still in love with your ex, but really you're just going through withdrawal symptoms.
So if someone you’re in love with rejects you, your brain still expects that hit of love and approval from that person, but it’s not getting it so it hurts.
Wanting love and approval is one of the main roots of all the other uncomfortable thoughts and emotions you’re feeling right now. If you can acknowledge, accept, and release the desire for his approval and love, the rest of the thoughts and feelings you have will go too.
Of course The Breakup Healing System goes into great depth about what lies at the root of our feelings. I've created a free mini version of this course. In Lesson 3 we'll work on letting go of wanting approval and love.
How to Get Over a Guy Tip #5: Let go of wanting to change or control the situation
Another one of the major roots of your pervasive thoughts and emotions that are keeping you stuck on this guy is wanting to change or control the situation. When a guy rejects you, it’s natural to feel like you want to change or control that.
The main thing you might want to change or control are his feelings about you. But there may be other things you want to change as well. Maybe you don’t think you’re pretty enough and you want to change that. Or you did something that hurt the relationship and you want to change that.
Regardless of what exactly you are wanting to change or control, you probably don’t have any change or control over it at all. And just like it hurts to want love when you can’t have it, it also hurts to want control when you don’t (or can’t) have it.
So the solution is to let go of wanting to change or control the situation. The more you can become aware of how much you are wanting to change or control the situation with this guy and let go of it, the better you will feel.
As you let go, your mind and emotions will clear up, and you’ll be able to enjoy your life again. In The Breakup Healing System we'll work on letting go of wanting to change or control in many different ways.
But if you're not ready to enroll in the full course, you can check out the free mini course. In Lesson 4, we'll do a quick exercise to help you let go of wanting to change or control.
How to Get Over a Guy Tip #6:
Write down your likes/dislikes of him
This is actually an exercise that we do in The Breakup Healing System. It might seem counterintuitive to write a list of things you liked about them, but it can help you get over this guy and help you find a better partner in the future.
Write down the traits that attracted you to this guy. It helps to get these things on paper rather than having them swirling around in your head. Another good thing about this list is that it is now the beginning of a list of qualities of your ideal partner. You can continue adding to the list as you meet new people. This list of qualities in your ideal partner can help you avoid wasting time with people who don’t have what you’re looking for.
Now make a list of this guy’s qualities that you didn’t like so much. Creating this list will help you to get over him because it will help you see him from a more balanced perspective.
Often, when people are grieving, they tend to view their past relationship in a light that isn’t accurate. The tendency to remember certain parts and forget other parts is called “splitting.”
When you are splitting, you compartmentalize the good parts and bad parts of your relationship and only revisit the parts you want to. Splitting causes you to become lost in, and controlled by, your emotions and your fantasies.
Writing down negative traits will help combat splitting and humanize this person — instead of a romanticized image of them that you’ve had in your head. And it will also help you to recognize traits you want to avoid in a future partner.
In The Breakup Healing System, we go into much more depth around this exercise. Not only do we create this list of likes/dislikes about this guy, but we let them go as well. One of the things that keep you miserable in life are attachments and aversions - things you like and don’t like.
The things you are attached to, you often don’t have. And the things that you are averse to, you may or may not have, but they are taking up precious real estate in your minds and emotions. And both attachments and aversions cause you to suffer.
It is only by bringing these two things into awareness and letting them go can we be free from the suffering they create. And so in The Breakup Healing System we do a lot of work to let go of attachments and aversions.
If you’re interested in trying it out, then check out the Breakup Healing System Free Mini Course where I will show the one thing that will do more to help you get over a guy than anything else.
If you like that, then chances are you’ll love the entire Breakup Healing System.