When a girl breaks your heart, the pain can be excruciating. As much as we men like to pretend we are impervious to heartbreak, we’re not.
It hurts to get dumped or rejected, no matter who you are. The pain of heartbreak is inevitable in life, but suffering is optional.
Some guys will suffer heartbreak for years over a girl that dumped them. Don’t let this be you.
This article will show you how to get over a girl you love so you can move on with your life.
What Does it Mean to “Get Over a Girl?”
To start, let’s first define what it means to get over a girl who doesn’t like you anymore. If you are wondering why you can't get over your ex, maybe it's because you don't know what getting over her actually means. You can’t get to where you’re going unless you know where exactly you want to be!
So let’s first define the problem, and then talk about what it means to get over a girl.
When you are wanting to get over a girl, it’s because you are feeling uncomfortable feelings like sadness and hurt. And no matter how hard you try, you can’t stop thinking about her. And you might even wonder if you can or should get back with her.
Your mind is plagued by negative emotions and pervasive thoughts that interfere with your enjoyment of life. That’s the problem.
So what’s the solution? Where do you want to be? Ideally you want to stop feeling negative emotions like anger and hurt.
And you want to stop thinking about this girl all the time!
You want to be able to enjoy your life, be productive, and maybe even get a brand new girlfriend.
So this article will give you practical steps you can take to get over a girl you love so you can enjoy your life.
Tip #1: Avoid Contact with Her
If you have a wound, say some road rash, the best way to let it heal is to do nothing. Don’t pick at the scab. Don’t touch it or poke it, just let it be and let it heal.
Same goes for this situation. If you want to know how to get over a girl fast, the best way is to avoid contact with her.
You might be tempted to stalk this girl on Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat, but don’t do it.
Just imagine seeing her smiling with a new guy or having fun without you. That’s going to hurt worse than you are feeling now.
So don’t open up old wounds by looking at her social media pages. Best thing to do is unfriend, unfollow, or even block her if you must.
Same goes for calls and texts. A lot of girls will tell you that they still want to be friends after they break up with you, but often they’re just saying that to soften the blow.
Besides, do you really want to be friends with someone who broke your heart? Better to save your time and attention for a girl who loves you instead.
It’s only going to make the hurt worse to communicate with her. And it's going to lengthen the time it takes for you to get over a breakup. You might still see her at work or school, but that doesn’t mean you have to talk with her.
If you do, it’s probably because you have some school or work assignment that requires her input. Of course you can’t avoid this, but you don’t have to talk about anything else.
Tip #2: Don’t Do Her Any Favors or Give Her Gifts
This really is part of tip #1, but it’s also worth having its own section. A lot of guys think they can “win her back” by doing favors for a girl or giving her gifts.
The reality is that the opposite is usually true.
If you are constantly offering to help her fix her car, mow her lawn, or bringing her flowers and other gifts, she might accept your offers. But she’s not going to suddenly start loving you again.
In fact, she’ll probably resent you more because all your favors and gifts will make her feel guilty for rejecting you.
So understand that no contact means no contact. Don’t talk to her, don’t give her gifts, don’t do her any favors.
Instead, do something nice for yourself for once. Buy yourself some new shoes, go get a massage, or do some other nice thing for yourself.
A lot of guys don’t think to do stuff like this, but doing something nice for yourself can go a long way to helping you get over a girl who played you.
Tip #3: Let Go of the Painful Feelings You're Experiencing
You may have heard someone tell you to just “let it go.” A lot of people will tell you this, but few will tell you how to do it.
The truth is, we all have an innate ability to let go of any uncomfortable feeling on the spot.
However, most people don’t do this consciously and some people are naturally better at it than others. The ability to let go is a big part of what Psychologists call “self-regulation.”
Loosely defined, self-regulation is the ability to monitor and manage your energy states, emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in ways that produce positive results.
Just like some people are born with high intelligence, athleticism, or artistic ability, so too are some people born with good self-regulation. And these people tend to live longer and have lower incidences of chronic disease than those with poor self-regulation.
I’d also wager that people with good self-regulation tend to make more money and have better relationships too. I know once I started letting go, all aspects of my life began to improve dramatically.
The good news is that just like you can go to the gym and strengthen your muscles, so too can you strengthen your ability to self-regulate and let go. And this is what The Breakup Healing System is all about.
If you’re not ready to enroll in the course right now, I have created a free 4-part video course that explains the basics of letting go to help you get started.
To give you a quick preview, letting go is all about being present with thoughts and emotions, and then making the conscious decision to let them go or release them.
This is the opposite of what we normally do, which is to try and escape uncomfortable thoughts and feelings or latch onto them as if they are somehow meaningful or important.
Either way the emotions stay stuck in your consciousness and create misery. Once you decide to acknowledge, accept and release these things, they are gone for good and you’re free from them forever.
Want to give it a shot?
Tip #4: Let Go of Wanting Her Approval or Love
One of the reasons you are having trouble getting over a girl who has moved on is because you are still wanting her approval and/or love. You want this girl’s love and affection, but you’re not getting it. And because you’re not getting what you want, you feel sad, hurt, or even angry.
So wanting her love and approval is one of the roots of all the other uncomfortable thoughts and emotions you’re feeling right now. If you can acknowledge, accept, and release the desire for her approval and love, the rest of the thoughts and feelings creating suffering in your mind will go away.
Of course The Breakup Healing System goes into great depth about what lies at the root of our feelings. And in the free 4-part video mini course we’ll even do some letting go of wanting approval and love to help you get started.
Tip #5: Let Go of Wanting to Change or Control the Situation
A lot of times when it’s hard to get over a girl, it’s because you’re wanting to change or control the situation.
Maybe you said or did something stupid and it ruined the relationship. Maybe she said or did something stupid to ruin the relationship.
Either way you might be wanting to change or control what did or did not happen.
And with that wanting to change or control comes more thoughts and emotions. Because you want to change what happened, you feel sadness, anger, judgement, or even guilt.
And of course there are thoughts like “I wish I hadn’t done that” or “I wish she hadn’t done that”. And there are hardly any limits to the types of thoughts that can invade your mind when you’re wanting to change or control something.
So wanting to change or control is another major cause of your suffering. The more you can become aware of how much you are wanting to change or control the situation with this girl and let it go, the better you will feel.
Your mind and emotions will clear up, and you’ll be able to enjoy your life again.
And in the free 4-part video mini course we’ll do some letting go of wanting to change or control to help you get started.
Tip #6: Get Clear on What You Really Want in Life
One of the reasons why you might be having trouble getting over a girlfriend is because you’re focusing on what you don’t want, rather than what you want.
Focusing on what you don’t want or what you want to avoid often leads to disaster.
An example of this is something called target fixation. Target fixation is a phenomenon observed in humans in which a person becomes so focused on a hazard that they unconsciously steer themselves toward it and increase their risk of collision.
Target fixation usually applies to things like flying a plane, riding a motorcycle, and even driving a car. But I think it applies to your entire life.
If you focus on what you want, you’ll steer your life in that direction. And if you focus on what you don’t want, you’ll steer your life in that direction too.
I believe that heartbreak is actually a wonderful and rare opportunity in life. When life is going well, we hardly have any incentive to grow or improve our lives. We usually just coast along and rarely even appreciate what we already have.
The reason why is that we have no incentive to do anything else. We’re feeling good and we’re happy to maintain that situation. But when we encounter a crisis like a breakup or rejection, we have the opportunity to pause and reflect on our lives.
So take the time and think about what you really want out of life. What are the qualities of your ideal partner? What kind of relationship do you want to have with her? What do you want out of your career? What kind of lifestyle do you want?
I highly recommend you take the time to think about what you want out of life and write it down. In the Breakup Healing System, I have several exercises designed to help you reach deep into your mind, find the deepest desires of your heart and develop a clear picture of what that goal looks like.
This is a really important thing to do for two reasons:
The first reason is that you are more likely to achieve things that make your heart soar. For instance, making a lot of money sounds great, but if your heart’s not into it, you’re probably not going to do it. And even if you do, it’s going to feel like an uphill battle - total drudgery.
On the other hand, if you find something that really inspires you, the achievement of that thing won’t feel like work at all. You’ll be so enthusiastic about it that you will have boundless energy and creativity for achieving that goal.
The second reason is that it’s much easier to achieve your goal once you have a clear picture in your mind. At the beginning of this article, we took time to define what getting over a girl means.
The same goes for goals you want to achieve. It’s important for you to see and understand what achieving your goal looks like, feels like, sounds like, etc. so that you know where you’re going.
So if you find something you really want to go after, take the time to develop a clear picture in your mind of what that looks like when achieved. I have created a specific process for this inside the Breakup Healing System, but with a little imagination you can do it by yourself.
So take time now and think about what you want out of life and write it down. Review the list every so often, especially when you are feeling down. Shifting your focus like that can be extraordinarily powerful in helping you get over a girl.
Tip #7: Develop a New Hobby or Interest
So a great way to get over a girl is to find something else to do besides sit around pining over this girl. I especially recommend developing a skill or hobby that women find attractive. One suggestion I have is do something that is somewhat dangerous. For whatever reason, women are attracted to dangerous men.
Of course you don’t want to take calculated risks and don’t get too crazy, but adopting a hobby with a little danger will help increase your attractiveness to women. And that’s never a bad idea.
Here are a few suggestions of hobbies you can do that women love:
- Get a motorcycle - I absolutely love motorcycles. They are a blast to ride, get good fuel mileage, and most women love a guy on a bike. They aren’t exactly cheap, but if you can afford it, motorcycles are awesome.
- Rock climbing - Rock climbing is great because it’s something both men and women can enjoy together. Your local climbing gym is also a great place to meet women.
- Yoga - Yoga isn’t exactly dangerous, but it’s a great way to meet women. Plus yoga will help you tone your body and keep your emotions in check. You can’t go wrong with yoga.
- Cooking - I can’t recommend enough that you learn to cook. I learned to cook at a very young age and it has been an invaluable skill in my dating life.
- Playing the guitar - If you can learn to play the guitar you’ll have few problems meeting women. Plus you can channel the pain of your broken heart into a song. Hell, you might even get a record deal and make millions. It’s been done before!
- Read classic literature - This one might seem like a surprise, but reading classic literature will give you conversational topics that seem smart and help you improve your language skills. Women love romance novels. You don’t have to read romance novels, but it does help to have a high vocabulary and learn how to use alliterations and metaphors in conversations.
- Painting/drawing/photography - Any kind of visual art is going to be a great hobby and attract women. Women love to have their beauty captured by a great artist. And that artist could be you!
How to make ANY hobby attractive to women...
Generally speaking, any hobby will be attractive if you follow this one simple guideline: whatever you do, be un-apologetically passionate about it.
Don’t be ashamed of your hobby, because you think it’s “weird,” or “nerdy.” Just embrace it and share your passion. Don’t try to prove anything, just accept yourself and your passion for the activity. Express your passion for it without shame or guilt.
Now, if your hobby is smoking marijuana, masturbating, and eating cheetos you won’t be able to make it attractive. That isn’t a hobby, that's just escaping reality and avoiding life.
A hobby is something that you’re passionate about, not something that you use as a crutch or a coping mechanism.
With that in mind, there are some things that you might consider hobbies, but they’re really just coping mechanisms.
For example, maybe you love video games, but do you actually have a social life or do you just play video games all day?
I’m not saying you have to give up video games entirely, but you also need to balance it out with other things. Learn how to be a better man, and constantly spend time growing and improving yourself.
If you actually have a social life, maybe you’ll find girls that are also passionate about gaming and develop a connection that will help replace the hole in your heart left by that other girl.
If you have zero social life and just use video games as an excuse to stay in your room all day and escape reality, then it isn’t really a hobby. It’s a coping mechanism, a dysfunctional crutch.
So find something that you’re passionate about (or could be passionate about) and spend some time working on it and developing your skills. It will help keep your mind off the girl that broke your heart and increase the odds that you’ll meet someone better in the future.
So I've given you seven things you can do to get over a girl who broke your heart. You don't have to do them all at once, but I do recommend you do all seven.
If you want to get my free 4-part video course on how to let go after a breakup so you can get over a girl fast.